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Where do I even begin... I guess I can start off by saying I hope you read this. Believe me, I do. So much has happened over the last month. Insanity isn't even a strong enough word to describe this world in which I currently reside. I'm sending this note out into the world of missed connections, where we once met, in hopes of finding you again. Or at least some part of you. Because right now I so badly desire to tell you everything. Everything that has happened, that hasn't happened and married looking nsa London everything that I had no control over. You know how much I hate not having control. The point is, I wish for you, my friend. I wish on stars and clocks. I know you aren't him anymore, and that saddens me to a point of lost existence. I wanted you to listen to me, comfort me and help me through this. So many days and nights I've longed to you, text you, e-mail you - anything. But I know your anger will refuse me. I cannot be refused again. So I've done well. I haven't contacted you, anyone for that matter. It's been extremely helpful, actually. This detox program I've entered after struggling so hard with the loss of our love. Though there is this lingering emptiness inside. I'm no longer connected to you. To anyone. A gaping wound inside of my heart grows larger each day that passes, and no one can mend it.
I lost my best friend. Not you. The other one. I'm sure you've heard. The strangest thing is, it's all lies. Lies, delirium, manipulation and pain. All inflicted upon me by the hand of someone I barely knew. This stranger has caused everyone I once loved to turn their back on me, including you, and the most terrible part is no one even considered asking me directly about the matters of occurrence at hand. I'm broken, completely. I used to tell you how difficult it was for me to handle loss, as I hold on to people with an iron fist. Now, there's nothing left to lose. Family, gone. Love, gone. Love's family, gone. Friends, gone. All for nothing.
I fear this world I find myself in. To know, officially, that there is no one left who loves me. I'm questioning that anyone ever did in the first place. I thought you did. But just as with the others, when you love someone, you don't hurt them as much as I've been hurt. By you. By them. What's the point anymore? That is my fear. Unloved, but loving. It's a torturous world indeed.
I'm falling deeply, and I need a kind word from someone I love, before it's too late, and I am forever lost. Please come to me. Whether it be here, or in dreams. Mindlink. I am faint and fading fast.
Love and clocks.
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