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Looking for a Leading Lady to Love I was at Powell's awhile ago and saw a woman who embodied everything I look for and appreciate in a partner. She was attractive, had personal style but most of all, she was uber-confident and it showed. She telegraphed her assertiveness to everyone in her sphere and to be frank, I was intoxicated. The moment of opportunity was lost but not the feeling or desire. This woman who stole my heart - if just for a half a minute - was just the kind of woman I want to share my inner-most secrets and desires with; the type of woman I confidently want to surrender myself to and openly declare my deep need to follow the lead of such a woman. But how to start? That's my dilemma. So, I've decided to share some insights regarding myself in the hope there is one woman in Portlandia who will say, 'yes, that's what I want too!'
Does a 'one-size-fits-all' relationship dynamic work for you? Before you answer, let me first thank you for taking an interest in what I have to say and giving me a few minutes of your time to speak openly and earnestly to you about what being a 'submissive man' is and is not about while hopefully dispelling some common characterizations and misconceptions that unfairly taint what is actually a fairly common and oft misunderstood male personality trait. I've written this brief primer for those too rare remarkable open-minded women who prefer a man and relationship more on their terms but are unsure if a 'submissive' guy is the right direction for them.
The first point I'd like to make is I am unapologetiy submissive. I do not deny it nor hide from it. It's as much about who I am as my heterosexuality. It's been there since my childhood and will be with me until my final breaths. I am, always have been and always will be a submissive man and the pragmatic solution is to seek a woman with a dominant disposition who prefers a man on her terms. This should be fairly simple; unfortunately it is not.
Women too often, in my experience, tend to automatiy reject men who are romantiy, emotionally and even physiy deferential. Why? The unsubstantiated belief that men who are attracted to strong women must be weak. Nothing could be further from the truth. Does your attraction to a strong male make you a weak woman? No. Why should the the inverse be true?
The media's interpretation of strong or 'dominant' women tends to be one dimensional as does its characterization of submissive men. We're often dealing with imagery involving leather, latex, whips, high heeled boots and collars. It's unfair, untrue and a poor representation of what a true committed F/m style relationship looks like. This isn't about costuming or drama; it's about recognizing that some relationships work best when the woman is in charge with a man who is openly accepting of her control and authority.
So, for all of the smart strong assertive Portland women who never thought they'd date a 'submissive man' here are seven common misconceptions about female led relationships and the men who advocate them. I think you might be pleasantly surprised to discover that a man on your terms is actually quite refreshing.
Some Key Points:
+ Myth: Submissive Men are weak.
Reality: Contrary to popular opinion, men who identify as 'submissive' are strong, confident and sure about who they are and what they want. Weak is a better definition for those men out there who are intimidated by strong women. Submissive men embrace and celebrate feminine strength.
+ Myth: Submissive men are needy
Reality: Submissive men appreciate your guidance and direction and once it's given, by you, are enthusiastic supporters and will take care of what needs to be done without being reminded a second time. Wouldn't that be refreshing?
+ Myth: Submissive men are bad in bed.
Reality: Submissive men put their partner first and that means doing what she wants, when she wants it, the way she wants it and as for long as she wants it. What is 'it'? Whatever you want. How could that be bad?
+ Myth: Submissive men won't protect/defend their woman.
Reality: Think of a dutiful submissive as a knight protecting his queen - you. His place is to always put her first and provide as she requires.
+ Myth: Submissive men are losers who can't get 'real women.'
Reality: Not even close. The men I know who are 'submissive' behind closed doors are very alpha and masculine in appearance and attitude. But when the door is closed?.
+ Myth: Submissive men are sissies, pansies, not 'real men.'
Reality: Not even close. No one who doesn't know me would ever suspect I'm submissive - it's not even close. Being a submissive man has nothing to do with being anything other than being a secure masculine male.
+ Myth: Submissive men are into weird sex.
Reality: I personally don't like bdsm, etc. I'm not looking for a 'dominatrix' nor any costuming drama. For me, it's about celebrating my partner's strength and leadership. I just adore strong women and believe women in charge in the natural order. Sure, that's the image of submissive men, wearing a collar, being led around on a leash etc. But that's the media for you. You're smart enough to know the difference.
Those are a few common misconceptions and my take on them. If this is something that appeals to you, then I look forward to hearing from you. You're likely missing out on a great relationship dynamic and don't even know it.
As for me: I'm a single, attractive/handsome, fit/slender white male, 29, employed who has his act together and doesn't have a problem meeting women but would like to be more 'open' about who he is and true to himself and partner about what he's both looking for and has to offer as a submissive man. I'm not a Northwest native but have found a good life here and enjoy what Portland and the region have to offer. I'm specifiy seeking a smart, fit, urban-oriented woman who appreciates what city living is all about and what it has to offer.
I'm happy to answer any sincere questions and am hopeful of meeting and romancing a woman who appreciates the many upsides of a Female Led Relationship. I make no demands on those who wish to learn more about me but am fairly action oriented so I'd rather meet for coffee or drinks than continually email back and forth. The ball is in your court.

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